Reality Strikes

This is the kind of day that few experience, but often hear about. The kind of day where I only want to talk to my husband and my mother (because they have witnessed it and understand and I might sound like a lunatic to anyone else). The kind of day where every part of my being is pushed to the max, just to keep it together until bedtime.
With all the great and positive things Bubba is doing and accomplishing, there is also the autistic side that is always there, but lately has been lurking in the shadows. It takes a day like today to jerk me back to reality, and autistic reality. A reality that says, "Don't set your goals TOO high and don't put TOO much pressure on him because your heart will be broken when he doesn't meet them." I don't mean to sound like autism spectrum disorders are the end of the world or a horrible thing, but there are days when it slaps me in the face.
I debated discussing this on here, but then I decided you all need both sides.
We were having a relatively good day. He was going to the potty, wearing underwear, and playing with Baby. At the grocery store, however, all hell broke loose when he pushed Baby out of the grocery cart (the little car in the front) and onto the floor screaming "NO! No! NO!" because she had moved to close to him (this is after he closed-fisted punched her in the face yesterday in the mall for turning around in the stroller). After quietly composing ourselves (as much as one can at that point) we continued grocery shopping, but he was screaming again (this time I don't know why). We evidently made such a spectacle of ourselves (despite my best efforts) that a man from the grocery store came over and offered cookies to shut them up. I thanked him but explained that we werew GFCF, at which point he returned with GFCF cookies, opened them up and said "They are on the house!" I managed, Dale Earnheart style, to get groceries and pray to GOD that I never see those people again.
Later in the day, he chose not to take a nap, despite an hour of trying to get him to sleep. When I brought him into the den, he decided that he wanted a sucker but refused to use his words to tell me. He was screaming, grunting, and pointing at the pantry door, but when I wouldn't open the door until he spoke, he began throwing cars at me. After a brief stint in timeout, we continued these types of behaviors throughout the afternoon (I'll spare you the details).
I'm sure many of you are thinking that kids just do those things sometimes, and it's not a big deal, but it's different. The Baby gets frustrated and tired sometimes, so she acts out, but Bubba's acting out is at a whole different level with such intense emotion. Please trust me when I say that I am not overreacting to his behavior and I am not "blaming" bad behavior on autism.
He is now fast asleep in bed, and we will see how tonight goes. Please do not feel bad for us, this is just how it is. If you feel bad for anyone, feel bad for the Baby. She is the one who takes the brunt of his aggression on days like these. I desperately try to protect her, and it kills me that I can't. It also pains me to see how scared she is of her brother. I know she sees the good in him, just as Evander and I do, but she always has to keep her guard up.
I also know that these days are few and far between, as opposed to how it used to be. I never again want to see the day that I have to physically restrain my child to keep him from hurting himself.
I will end on a positive note. I found GFCF honey oat (certified gluten-free oats) bread at Whole Foods that tastes like the closest thing to real bread I have had in a long time. It is fabulous!! The kids and I scarfed it down like we hadn't eaten in days!