Polite Racism

Judgement is defined as "the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion as from circumstances presented to the mind" (dictionary.com). As a Christian, I know that judging is left up to God, and as a citizen, I know it is left up to actual judges. However, we all judge, whether we want to or not. We form opinions of others based on what we see or hear; some may be good and others may be bad.
Just before Bubba came home, I read an article about polite racism. The article told a story of a woman who had 2 biological daughters and one African American daughter. She explained how, no matter where they went, the African American daughter would receive a variety of complements, but her white children were ignored. At first she thought everyone was just in awe of her beautiful daughter, but, then, she realized the strangers didn't know how to react to the obvious difference in her family. After reading the article, I commented on it to Evander and we both joked about how absurd it was. The mother was making a big deal of nothing.
Boy, was I wrong. It started when Bubba first came home from Guatemala. People asking if he spoke Spanish (at 7 months old), if his mother had abandoned him, if I was Mexican, or (the kicker) how we found such a cute Chinese boy when they only put girls up for adoption. Strangers glancing at his brown skin, black hair, and dark almond shaped eyes immediately formed an opinion of our family.
After the Baby came, it was much more obvious. It seemed that people felt sorry for me that I had a brown child when I now had a perfectly good white one. I heard things like, "I'm so glad you have one of your own" (last I checked they are both mine) and many asking what country Baby was from. Strangers definitely do, though, make a difference in commenting on our children. They always point out Bubba's differences to Baby and I, while pointing out the similarities in the two of us.
Now, we are seeing it on a whole new level. As they are growing and seemingly more the same (as far as developmental level), people comment on behaviors. Everyone mentions how nice, polite, and sweet Baby is, while pointing out how wild, rambunctious, and emotional Bubba is. Not to long ago, the three of us were sitting in a waiting room when Bubba decided to take a toy from another child. We had been waiting for 45 minutes and I had been desperately trying to control him but it was no use. The grandmother of the child leaned over and said to her, "It's a shame that some little boys are so bad." At which point I remarked, "It's a shame some grandmothers are so ignorant." And with that, our name was called!
I realize that our children do not yet notice the differences made between them, but it does break my heart when I witness it. On a predominately white Chick-fil-A playplace, Bubba is ignored or made the bad monster, while Baby is included. These children do not know or understand what they are doing or have done, but their parents do. These childrens' parents are the same parents who stare at us in the grocery store or comment on his "nice tan" at the doctor's office. My only hope is, through all of this, our children are better people because of it.