Note to Guests

All people are quirky in their own little way. Baby requires a bow and sunglasses before leaving the house, and she likes to wear a different shoe on each foot. I do not like my food to touch and I pick all the toppings off a pizza after the first slice. Evander double checks every door before we go to bed, and he presses the alarm button a zillion times to make sure it is set. Every one has them, good or bad. Some you may overlook and others may drive you insane, but the quirks are always there. Bubba's quirks, though, may be the most interesting (and not so easy to overlook).
For instance, he will yell at you if you try to sing along to the radio, but he likes to be sung to sleep. He screams when sunlight hits his eyes (which is why our blinds are closed) but turns on every light in the house. He needs total darkness to sleep (which is why his walls are navy blue, he sleeps in a tent, and his window is tinted), but he is deathly afraid of the dark. He cannot stand the thought of being dirty, but he will put random things in his mouth (coins, broom, whatever might be on the floor, etc). He will not cover up at night but hates to be cold (which is why he sleeps in long sleeves and socks year-round). His food must be room temperature or colder, and he needs a napkin at all times. He hates loud noises but is the loudest talker I have ever heard. We, often, have to speak loudly to get his attention, but then he says "No yell at me!" He doesn't care to play with you, but someone must be in the room at all times. Tags (on shirts) literally cause him pain, but he doesn't want you to touch him to cut them out. He prefers a smack on the back of his head (with a pillow) to a hug, and says "No thank you" when you ask for a kiss.
So I thought I would offer a little note to all potential guests in my home. If you find yourself pulling up to a house with blinds tightly pulled but must shield your eyes from the bright glare of fluorescent light escaping from the cracks, you have found our house. Once inside, do not be surprised to find screaming children jumping off couches or hitting one another with pillows. Whatever you do, do not touch Bubba unexpectedly, unless you enjoy a blow to the stomach, and bring ear plugs if you don't like loud noise. Please know that our house is clean, even though it might not look that way, and do not place anything on the floor that you do not want to be licked or in Bubba's mouth. Last but not least, do not stay for dinner if you want your food any warmer than it feels outside.