Wet and Wild at the ENT

"I've gotta go potty." Those four words have become a staple in our house. We hear them as often as hello and good-bye, but they almost always come at a bad time. Those words also do not necessarily indicate the actual need to use the bathroom. They could mean that Bubba just wants to stretch his legs or get out of the car. They could mean I'm not eating another bite or I refuse to sit in timeout, but no matter what the true meaning, I kick myself into high gear when I hear them. There is, after all, a chance that those four words actually mean "I've gotta go potty".

Well...I heard those words yesterday as we sat in the waiting room for Bubba's ENT appointment and wanted to die. Just moments before we had run down the hallways and through the elevators trying to find the ENT's new office. Finally we arrived in the waiting room, at exactly the right time, for the receptionist to hand Bubba a box (what kind of person does this) of stickers for him to pick from. A small riot ensued between Baby and Bubba before I could wrestle the box from the two of them, throw 2 stickers to the ground, gently place the box back on the receptionist's desk, and politely thank her for that brief moment of insanity. I turned, grabbed my two monkey's wrists, and went to sit down, as the receptionist sat in her chair, wide-eyed and stunned.

We finally sat down when out of nowhere came, "I've gotta go potty". As I looked up at him, I immediately knew it was too late. He had stopped banging on the metal garbage can and was holding his pants. I watched as his jeans began to turn dark blue in the inseam. Then, I looked at the sky, screamed inside, and approached the now-recovering receptionist. "Um, we have a little issue. We need to use the restroom."

"Well...you are next in line." That rules out running for the car, where his extra clothes were. I knew if we lost our place in line, we would be there all day, so I had to make it quick. We ran to the restroom, where I threw his underwear in the garbage and blotted his jeans with paper towels. It was all I could do at the moment. We just had to make it to the back and then I could think. We ran back to the waiting room, as I announced our return.

Just as I sat back down, Baby looked up at me and said, "I poo-pooed." Seriously!! So, I scooped them back up, careful not to touch the pee pants and went back to the receptionist. "I need to change her diaper but we will be right back."

"Ma'am, they are about to call you," she explained. "I understand, but she has poop all over her, so tell them I'll be right back."

I cleaned her up and tried to keep Bubba from sticking his head in the toilet as quickly as possible. We were just about to leave the restroom when Baby thrust Lambie at me and said "Eewww!" Somehow, she had gotten caught in the aftermath and needed an emergency bath, so I hurriedly bathed the baby doll in the sink before running back out to the waiting room. We emerged only for the receptionist to say, "They just called your name." She could tell, however, that this might be a bad time to put me at the back of the line, so we got called back.

Once in the back, I was able to appropriately address Bubba's situation before the ENT entered our room. She took one look at Bubba and said "Come with me". That is never good! She took us to a room where she irrigated and suctioned out his nose while I physically restrained him, all while Milo and Otis was playing in the background. She then wrote us a prescription and scheduled a head CT with sedation.

We emerged from the ENT looking like we had been ravaged by a tornado. Bubba was wearing a t-shirt and a diaper (his jeans, socks, and shoes were soaked with pee) with tears running down his face, screaming "Kitty cat! Kitty cat!" He was terribly worried about Milo. Baby was at my side with snot running out of her nose, a horrified look on her face (because she had just witnessed Bubba being held down and suctioned out), carrying a wet baby doll. I couldn't even begin to tell you what I looked like, but I bet it wasn't pretty. All in all, I suppose it was just another visit to the doctor!