The Talk

When many parents are asked if they have had "The Talk", they might assume you mean the infamous birds and bees discussion. When we get asked this question, however, it means adoption. I believe, in a person's mind who knows nothing of adoption, Evander and I should sit Bubba down and say "Well son... you were adopted." This, in their minds, would be the end of discussion. We would have, after all, informed Bubba that he was adopted and that should be it, but it isn't. In our house, we have decided to be very open about the topic, and it is really starting to click.

I think, if I weren't pregnant, we would be getting these questions much later, but Bubba is very curious about what is going on with the baby. It began with a simple "You got a baby in your belly?" Now it has grown into "Where'd you get that baby?" "Lilly was born in a hospital. I was born in a hospital?" "Do we have a Guatemala movie?" I have been very honest with Bubba about answering all of his questions but it is difficult to know just how much information to provide to a 3-year-old. For instance, he knows that Lilly was in my belly, but he hasn't asked if he was.

I have started to read Over the Moon by Karen Katz to him as if it were his story. I have begun to insert his name, where possible, and change it around a bit to fit his story. We have told him that he was born at home in Guatemala and mommy and daddy came to get him. We explained that we got the baby from God, just as God made he and Lilly (although I think he was referring to an actual place like Guatemala), and I think I am prepared for the "in my belly" question. I don't think he's ready to hear the whole birth mom scenario, but we will see. I don't want to hide anything from him, but I also don't want to keep anything from him either.

Adoption isn't a 5-minute conversation over tea and cookies. Bubba doesn't even know the word adoption. It is a lifetime of questions, comments, conversations, and memories shared. It is being honest, sometimes to a fault, and loving endlessly. While 3-years-old may be too young to share his birth mother, I know that one day I will have to pull out the photos and information. I will have to share everything I know, no matter how difficult it may be (for us or him). Until then, I will keep reading his story.

* The photo is of Bubba and his foster mother after having his DNA taken and seeing his birth mother for the last time.