Alabama bound

I awoke Friday morning at 5:00 on the dot. I tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but my bladder would have nothing of it. We had to be up and ready soon anyway, so I figured I might as well start getting ready for the day. As I began to put lotion on my leg, I noticed it. About three inches directly below my knee was what appeared to be a small slug that had crawled underneath my skin and set up shop. It was surrounded by at least a dozen tiny purple worms. In reality, it was part of a vein bulging out from under my skin, and there were purple squiggly lines all around it. Great! Just great! We are leaving for the airport in an hour and I now have a worm in my leg.

This is how our trip to Alabama began, so I knew it was going to be an interesting one. Boy, was it interesting! The kids were wonderful on the plane and in the airport. They were so excited to see Mimi that they couldn't stand it. We all made it safely home (after losing my dad in the airport), and the kids dug out every toy they could find. My mom had bought each of them a new swim suit, towel, and flip flops, so they had to model.

Saturday started out with a bang. While playing in the drive way, a policeman and family friend pulled in.

He stuck out his head and said, "Everything ok?"

"Oh yes!" my mom said.

"Somebody dial 911?" he continued.

"Oh...did that go out?" my mom asked.

"Yes, it went out! Was it Obie?" the policeman asked.

"No...it was the kids this time!"

What my mom didn't know was that the last time we were at her house (when my dad was in the hospital in January) Bubba called 911, and they had called back to check on us.

What I didn't know was that my dad had dialed 911 only a week earlier and someone came to check on them. So... this was the third 911 call from my parents house!
Saturday evening Bubba, Baby, my mom, my sister, and I went to my 2nd cousin's wedding. It had rained for days, so the outside event wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Located in someone's backyard, we crossed the swamplands on our tiptoes, trying not to get mud on our toes or in our sandals. The kids were doing great (all things considered)! Just as everyone stood in silence for the bride to walk down the aisle Bubba screams, "POTTY!! POTTY!" I immediately motion for my mom to take him because I knew Baby would start screaming if I left her, but it didn't work. Baby instead started screaming for my mother, so I ushered her out directly behind my mom and my squirming little boy. We looked as if we just realized (after seeing the bride) we were at the wrong tent wedding held in the pouring rain and were trying to make a quick exit. Immediately I begin scanning for a restroom and see a porta-potty. I try to discreetly tell my mom that he won't use a porta-potty because it is too nasty and smelly. Because of his sensitivity to smell, he would vomit before using the restroom. So... my son pees behind a pick-up truck at my cousin's wedding. Can you tell I'm from Alabama yet?

Sunday was no less eventful. We jumped up Sunday morning in time to make it to river church, again in the pouring rain. (If you don't know what river church is, I will need to explain in person). We start out on the boat, but the rain starts to blow so we ran under the pavilion just before it began. After church we met the rest of my family at the marina for breakfast.

After naps, the weather had started to clear, so we took the kids outside to play. Bubba was riding his tricycle up and down the long drive as Baby pushed a tractor. Just as she got to the end of the drive, she hesitated, then continued into the road. I began to quickly walk down the drive and yelled at her to get out of the road. Once safely in, I talked to her about going in the road and Evander drew a line in the drive that they shouldn't cross. I didn't think of it again, because this has never been a problem for Baby before. Not long after sitting back down, I see Baby cross the forbidden pink line and immediately jump up.

When I realize that she isn't stopping I began to jog down the drive yelling her name. My mom and Evander are also yelling for her to stop and come back. Then I see it... a gray SUV topped the hill and was heading straight for Baby. I, then, begin screaming frantically and took off down the drive. My mom said she never saw the car because she was focused on Baby, but I saw it coming right for her and she wasn't moving. They didn't see her because they were talking to one another and now she and the big yellow tractor were in the middle of the road, but I was still too far to reach her. Immediately thoughts flash through my mind. Are they going to hit my baby?

Finally they notice me, a pregnant woman hauling ass down the drive way, and begin to slow, but they still didn't see Baby. She was bent over, and I really don't think they could see her over their hood. I determined that the car and I would reach her at the same time, so it was anyone's game. Just at that moment, Baby stood up, saw the car, and took two steps into the driveway. I was right... the car and I did reach her at the same time. They slammed on their brakes, and I scooped her up. All I could do was cry. I held her in my arms and sobbed. Two seconds later and she would have been killed, or we both would have been injured. I really wasn't thinking of it at the time, but I would have jumped into that road for her.

We all made it safely home, and I watched as my little slug became a giant earthworm with purple knots. After getting everyone settled, I called the doctor yesterday and they told me to come in immediately. Once the doctor examined me, she determined that I needed to have a Doppler done of my leg to determine if I had blood clots. Thankfully, I am OK! We are all back at home, snug in our beds, waiting for what will happen next.

My Babies

I took these photos the other day, not realizing what I was capturing with the push of a button. My babies have been transformed into children. There are no more chubby cheeks or baby faces. Their little bellies have flattened out and their expressions are so "grown-up". As I downloaded these photos, I sat and stared in disbelief. Where did my babies go and when did they become little kids?

One of Those Days

Bubba is having one of those days, the kind of day where it seems as if he just woke up from a long sleep. I love these days! On these days I get to know the real Bubba and see his real personality. On these days I am reminded just how smart he is and how sweet he can be. On these days anything can happen.
Each day after school, I wait for Bubba to come out the front doors. His head and shoulders are usually slumped, and I have to get his attention for him to even know I'm around. Today, though, he ran up to me, arms open wide and a big smile on his face. That is when I knew it was a good day. Our usual walk to the car is filled with my questions and his non-answers but not today. Today HE asked me the questions.
"So...," he began, "What did you and Baby do today while I was at school?". Totally stunned by his very verbal question, I was the one left stumbling over my words and barely answering (we went to the store). " You mean the grocery store? What did you get at the grocery store?". I was hardly able to answer before he continued, "Did you bring my lunch with you today?" Yes! "What did you put in my lunch today?" This went on as he and Baby held their own conversation in the backseat all the way home.
Once home I said "Bubba I really like the way you are using your words today". He replied with "Yes and I used my words at school today too!" Still in complete shock, I turned on the oven to heat up some lunch and was met with another question. "What are you having for lunch Mommy?"
"Pizza"
"What kind of pizza?"
"Oh, just frozen pizza" (the child has hardly EVER noticed that I eat something different from them every single day)
"Oh.. when I was a baby I used to eat frozen pizza but then I had Pizza Hut pizza for lunch one day and it made me sick. So I don't eat frozen pizza anymore."
"Well, thank you for letting me know!" I uttered as I picked my jaw up off the floor.
That's the thing with Aspergers...you never know what you are going to get. One day could be the worst day of your life and the next could be a gift from God. And to think, I thought yesterday was good because he finally ate a pb and j without complaint!

The Talk

When many parents are asked if they have had "The Talk", they might assume you mean the infamous birds and bees discussion. When we get asked this question, however, it means adoption. I believe, in a person's mind who knows nothing of adoption, Evander and I should sit Bubba down and say "Well son... you were adopted." This, in their minds, would be the end of discussion. We would have, after all, informed Bubba that he was adopted and that should be it, but it isn't. In our house, we have decided to be very open about the topic, and it is really starting to click.

I think, if I weren't pregnant, we would be getting these questions much later, but Bubba is very curious about what is going on with the baby. It began with a simple "You got a baby in your belly?" Now it has grown into "Where'd you get that baby?" "Lilly was born in a hospital. I was born in a hospital?" "Do we have a Guatemala movie?" I have been very honest with Bubba about answering all of his questions but it is difficult to know just how much information to provide to a 3-year-old. For instance, he knows that Lilly was in my belly, but he hasn't asked if he was.

I have started to read Over the Moon by Karen Katz to him as if it were his story. I have begun to insert his name, where possible, and change it around a bit to fit his story. We have told him that he was born at home in Guatemala and mommy and daddy came to get him. We explained that we got the baby from God, just as God made he and Lilly (although I think he was referring to an actual place like Guatemala), and I think I am prepared for the "in my belly" question. I don't think he's ready to hear the whole birth mom scenario, but we will see. I don't want to hide anything from him, but I also don't want to keep anything from him either.

Adoption isn't a 5-minute conversation over tea and cookies. Bubba doesn't even know the word adoption. It is a lifetime of questions, comments, conversations, and memories shared. It is being honest, sometimes to a fault, and loving endlessly. While 3-years-old may be too young to share his birth mother, I know that one day I will have to pull out the photos and information. I will have to share everything I know, no matter how difficult it may be (for us or him). Until then, I will keep reading his story.

* The photo is of Bubba and his foster mother after having his DNA taken and seeing his birth mother for the last time.

Joint Attention

Yesterday morning my good friend, Guat Momma, sent me a link to a CNN story titled "Toddler Brain Difference Linked to Autism". The article discusses a study that found a certain portion of the brain is larger in children with autism. This portion of the brain, the amygdala, is responsible for helping us process faces and emotions, also known as joint attention.
From early on we knew that Bubba had problems with joint attention. Most babies smile back when you smile at them. Most toddlers can follow an adults gaze to find the bird the adult is pointing at, and most children learn early on when mommy or daddy is happy or mad. Bubba, however, never did and still doesn't do those things. I remember standing at our den windows pointing out the birds in our yard and Bubba could never find them. I remember Evander appearing so excited that a fire truck had passed, and Bubba had no response. I have even blogged about Bubba not understanding when I am angry or happy and thinking I was trying to hurt him when I was simply walking across the room. Those are just a few of the many examples I will give, but there are countless times when this has happened.
So... yesterday was no exception to this rule. After reading this article, we headed off to gymnastics. Bubba's class used to consist of two children, him and a little girl, but it has grown to a class of five. This growth has been difficult for Bubba to handle, in general, but we have a greater issue at hand. One new child is a little boy who was recently adopted from China. He understands NO English, so he is unable to follow the directions. I believe he was only placed in the class so the mom could watch her older child and not have to "deal" with him. Nonetheless, he roams aimlessly around while the other children are trying to stay on task. This week, he began touching Bubba.
He would follow him around and just touch him, on the arm or back. We all know that Bubba isn't one for touching, so Bubba is immediately upset. Last week he cried half-way through the class because this little boy kept touching him, but we had a talk, and I hoped that this week would be better. Unfortunately, when they were sitting in line waiting their turn, the little boy scratched Bubba on the back of the neck. At this point, Bubba lost it and immediately shut down. The teacher handled the situation and I told Bubba to stay clear of him, but it was no use. Bubba could no longer focus on class. Bubba, the boy who already thinks everyone is out to get him, went on the defensive. He would only focus on the little boy, watching his every move. He wanted to make sure that he wouldn't be touched again, and it broke my heart.
He was doing so well at gymnastics, and now it was ruined. I plan to speak with his teacher next week and possibly change class times because I know he will never focus again, as long as that little boy is in there. No matter how old Bubba gets, I believe we will always struggle with joint attention. Whether it is finding a friend among the foes or correctly reading a person's facial expressions. Whether his amygdala is larger or not, this issue is present and very real!